A Wife of the 50’s

I have only my own personal experience to draw from on this topic but my thoughts do make sense to me.  I would love to know if it makes sense to any of you who are reading this post.  So, here goes…….

When I think of my mom and her 50’s mind set generation, I try to figure out why she behaves the way she does.  And I’m thinking that since she is a wife of the 50’s she mostly lived her life according to her husband’s wants and needs.

A wife of the 50’s would react to life situations in ways that would bring comfort to her husband. The husband is the bread winner who goes to work every day and comes home to a doting wife, and the wife is considered a ‘House Wife’.  She keeps the house clean, she keeps the kids clean and always had dinner on the table the minute he walks through the door.  She was not really considered an individual with wants and needs but she was, from what I can see, the care giver of the man and the man’s children.  I’m thinking June Cleaver here.

So now I am wondering, what does that do to a woman’s self value and what happens when they get old and, what happens when they get Dementia and the vocal filters, or the words they use are no longer filtered and now they say whatever they want?

Do they turn to ‘man bashing’, and tell their husbands their real feelings?  Do these feelings surface and boil over when they have had enough of being the cook, the cleaner and the perfect wife?  Who are they really and how do they really feel about their life position that has always been dominated by men?  Do they have thoughts and feelings of wanting to be the important one for change? Do they have thoughts that they want to be more relevant?  What do you think?

My thoughts as I watch my mom’s behavior and listen to her words, is that she wants to be important.  I am learning that she wants someone to take care of her and to help her and make her feel important.  She needs someone to  lean on, someone that will clean up her personal messes and tell her ‘Mom, I love you and it’s time for me to take care of you, I am so very  happy to take care of you, it is time for your daughter to help you’.  When I say that to my mom, she doesn’t get angry or frustrated, she doesn’t cry, she smiles at me and has that glimmer in her eye.  I can see that she appreciates me and what I am doing for her while I’m cleaning her bottom.

At these moments I want mom’s experience to continue to be positive.  I want to enable her to have a positive Mind Set even through this type of experience. There is no need to make her feel badly about growing old.  We will all be there soon enough.  But, I also think a Care Facility is an enormous help for my continued positive relationship with my mom……more on that at another time.

Advertisements

2 responses to “A Wife of the 50’s

  1. I can truly understand what you are going through but from a completely different perspective. I work in an Alzheimer’s care facility and I see this kind of behavior in my residents with dementia all the time. As far as the lack of filter is concerned, that is just a stage of the Dementia disease process, just like the “man bashing,” which isn’t really bashing it is more of a lack of empathy that she might be experiencing. I think it is wonderful that she is accepting your support and care, because usually individuals (especially women) tend to become stubborn and in denial about needing assistance. I encourage you to read the book “A Loving Approach to Dementia Care” by Laura Wayman. In my opinion it describes what the world is like to someone struggling with dementia so very accurately. Please feel free to reach out with any further questions or concerns.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your response. I am really happy to hear from a Dementia/Alzheimer’s professional. I will look for the book you recommended, A Loving Approach to Dementia Care. I appreciate your feed back on this and I hope others will comment and ask questions as well. There is so much to learn and I intend to learn and to provide information as I receive it for those care givers who work with their loved ones affected with Dementia.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s